It wasn’t like he could just walk away. He was invested.
After 17 trips to this small blue and green planet, trips he could remember nothing of, he knew one thing for sure — being buried alive had never been on the itinerary.
CJ knew he came from a place filled with white light and all the joy one could imagine, and then some more on top of that. CJ wasn’t sure how he knew, how he remembered, but that’s what they felt like. Memories. There was a place in his mind that he could only describe as “warm” and “home”. And he knew, when this was all over, he’d get to return there and feel safe again.
But that wasn’t right now. Right now, he was in a dark place. Surrounded by, secluded in, encapsulated by, darkness. His sense of time must be fading, because he felt like he’d never been anywhere else in his 40 turns around this unimportant sun, on the far end of a remark-less galaxy, randomly scattered amidst an unwatched Universe.
He’d been here long enough to have other memories, too. Memories that faded more every moment longer he spent in the darkness. There had been laughter, and smiles. There had been touch — touch! His only reason to be corporeal. His fingers reached out, in darkness, before him, touching a rough stone surface. He was somewhere then. Somewhere tangible. He could feel the cold from the rock before him seep into his fingers and he pulled his hand away.
The memories contained other people, friends, family, lovers. He knew there had been lovers, many, maybe too many. But it had been pleasurable, right? Touch brought pleasure and pleasure for its own sake was still pleasure.
CJ felt his arms cross in front of his chest, he felt his hands aloft on the skin of his arms, rubbing softly, as though trying to release the coldness from his fingers and find some comfort in the warmth of his own body.
There!
A light!
His eyes had been shut for decades, CJ blinked, blinded by the bright light. It must be the surface, it must be the sun, for it was ever so bright.
But as his vision returned from the red blindness of the initial shock, he could see that no, it was not the sun. It was a single candle, burning alone against the darkness. He watched, transfixed by the flame wisp-ing and growing as it flickered in an unfelt draft. Would it stay lit or go out?
CJ held his breath, unsure what would happen in that moment. The light seemed warm, welcoming, a lone soldier standing strong against a darkness that had all but swallowed CJ whole. Would it be able to stave off the monsters lurking just beyond its circle of glow? Did it even know there were monsters in this dark?
CJ slowly released his breath, so as not to disturb the flame. As though discovering he had feet for the first time, he took a careful, unsure step forward.
