already come so far past self, can't see me for all the noise.

Sneak your peak of my survivor's soul and don't go running for the hills.
The bumps and scars are more than lessons learned, they add spice to what makes me, me.
Lust leaves me longing, so keep it to yourself;
if you want to keep my focus, court my intelligence and my heart may yearn for your caress.
I am me, no more, no less, and I will accept none other from you.

---

"the power of silence to create a stronger bond, even than thousands and thousands of words."

I often feel like  I drown in words. I wonder how I can discover my own silences.

Ten Years

[previously posted on MySpace]

ten years is a long expanse of time to try and look across...

in the 'whole scheme of things' (the cliche I hate to use, but invariably seem stuck on) .. ten years is nothing .. not even a blink .. not even the edge of the muscles twitching before the blink ...

but to the human consciousness.. to the psyche of self ...

ten years is longer than we could ever accurately perceive.

where was I ten years ago today?

lets see.. April 15th 1997 .. I would've still been in high school .. I would've been entangled in some mess with Brandon ...

I would have yet to smoke pot for even the first time.

strange the things that mark time for us.

I can tell you EXACTLY where I was at 12:37pm April 19th, 2004..

but I'm not sure of too many specific moments other than that one....

and the better question .. the more pertinent side of this event horizon -- where will I be in ten years ...

April 15th, 2017 .. Kyla will be on the cusp of turning 13...

she'll be a teen!!

where will _I_ be? .. what will _I_ be doing .. ?

All literary devices fail when I attempt to put thoughts to words as I contemplate the possibility of the future.

The scariest thought for me, is that I DON'T perceive it. I cant see past fighting her to bed tomorrow night. I cant see past debt. I cant see past pain. I cant see past confrontation of my current stressors. I cant see past the NOW-NESS of everything on my plate.

I feel like this "full plate" we term our crazy life issues as .. is balanced on my nose and I'm strapped to a bed with no motor options .. and I can feel a sneeze coming on.

Didn't Doug say something about "the great coming of the next tissue"??