I hate being alone. I don't know exactly why it is that I hate it so much, but I do. I despise being left to my own defenses. Sometimes I think it's because there is no longer any verification for the things I see and hear, so I don't know if they're really real or a part of my own made up head space. Other times I think it's because I simply don't like my own company. And still other times I think it's because I might just disappear and there'll be no last look or last hug or last words. I know it's all craziness, but maybe I'm just crazy enough for thoughts like those. Hours can go by while I'm alone
and it feels like the same repetitive 15 mins. Over and over again, the exact same feelings
of loss. Wondering what I can do to fill the time and make it less boring for me to be alone. It's strange, I used to spend days on end alone with brief and infrequent visits from few people and I loved it. I loved having all that time to be creative on my own, now I just quiver from the thought of being on my own.
