a torn journal entry

Today I felt like calling it quits ... like I am not ready for this because _I_ am broken.

"If you bring the bricks from your past relationships w/ you, you will build the same house."

My intention - find the strength to be bigger than my fear.
Give myself credit for being human -- not a GOD.

I am of this earth, of these cells, I deserve some affection for time served, so why can't I give it to myself? Why can't I give myself some slack?

I know the answer: because I am afraid it will all fall apart if I let go even a little bit.

a torn journal entry

We met. We kissed. And we wanted to come back for more! Do I say more than 'I am seeing a guy names Phil'? I'm terrified of how quickly this is growing, of how instantly I feel connected and attached to him, of how desperately I desire his physical presence in my daily life. I have to go slow - for Kyla's sake, right? She's been through too much with me & other boys. She deserves this stability of our current situation more than I deserve to find a 'partner' in life ... maybe? I don't know what I believe any more. I don't know what I see for tomorrow any more. I want him. I can only hope his words are true and he wants me just as much. 4 more days. Can I wait that long? Can I force myself to focus on 1in4? ! Work to do before play to be had!!!!