Tomorrow is the first day of Autumn.... a time of maturity and bounty -- harvesting the fruits of our labour.....
I've been in a relationship since Spring. A wonderful, life-affirming relationship. I wake up every morning excited to face the day, knowing I'll get to interact with this relationship. I go to bed every night with happy memories and warm thoughts for the future.
Can it last?
I believe it can, but I worry that New Relationship Energy is still lingering, 6 months in, and one day we'll wake up to the cold reality that it's hard work and we cannot sustain this level of excitement for the rest of forever.
We've already had a few bumps along the way, at least two that threatened to tear us asunder -- and yet somehow the connection that pulled us through has only made us stronger on the other side, both times.
I drive to pick him up, and I watch through the windshield as he exits his house, turning to lock the door and quite literally my HEART BEATS FASTER. Six long months in, and I still feel my pulse quicken whenever I get to see him. He sends a text, and I smile. He calls randomly from work, and I glow....... is this really still just NRE?
I'm certain it's love that is meant to last. I'm certain these are the telltale signs of something that is right, something that works, something that fits, something real.
But what if I'm wrong?
He has so much anxiety around relationships. He worries that he's not good enough for me, that I deserve better. He wonders what I could possibly see in him ..... and sometimes, I wonder the same from my perspective -- why me? Why does he choose to spend his time with me? What have I done that's been so worthy of all this attention and energy? I tend to only question this when he's questioning himself, but still, I question it ......
Are we only fooling ourselves? Are we just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl...... grasping on to straw-filled dreams?
