ever just feel like you're falling.. forever?

[from casstastrophe.com blog]

 

 

 

somehow I dont feel like I fit in anywhere I go.. I have small concepts of numerous groups .. and I poke my nose in where I think it might not get bit off --- and instead of that happening, it just gets very very cold and I slip away into my dark pit of self loathing and self-hatred.... 

I'm really not such a bad person to know, y'know? .. so how come no one really wants to know me? :( 

I feel so very misunderstood. I've managed to be brutally honest with everyone I've ever considered a friend and they've all left me in the dust .. maybe honesty is hard to face, I don't know because people are never honest to my face ... I seem to scare people away with my imagination and ideas, too ... funny.. that was the one thing that kept people coming back for more when I was little... 

 

I'll be 23 years of age in just over a month. What in "Bob"'s great name am I going to do with the rest of this life? 

..dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap!

[from casstastrophe.com blog]

Well.. I've made the temporary move from Orangeville to my mother and step-father's house in Brampton. I'll prolly only be here for the summer.. but that's still a long time!  *le sigh* 

It's strange the decisions we make to better our lives.. sometimes they seem to be in all the wrong directions, but then in the end, you're always in the place you're meant to be... I dunno, I'm confused and tired.. but I do have some good plans and I'm trying to stick to my guns!

My goals:

• correct my sleeping schedule
• get on the right medications
• stop smoking cigarettes
• restart my diet and stick to it
• save money!!

and hopefully I'll be able to accomplish these while I'm away from home for a little while and THEN be able to go home and incorporate them with my life there. I never expected it to be easy.. but daayaamn!

to you and you and you and you!

[from casstastrophe.com blog]

 

Sometimes everyone just needs a helping hand and last year when I discovered the Spark of Brilliance program I was a little weary, but after attending several of their night groups, I found that this was an outlet I could really get into. The only problem is they're in Guelph, which is about 45 mins from me on a good traffic day! (and I'm not too keen on driving alone)...

So I opted to help their efforts in a different way and worked instead on their webpage! I think the site that's there (while out-dated) looks great! I havnt really "felt" like working on it lately, so I'm trying to retire it over to a new publisher, but I feel a little loss at the ability to communicate my ideas. Things should go smoothly in the transfer though! 

could we have given it away any faster?

[from casstastrophe.com blog]

 

 

 

Well.. so much for my predictions. With a devastating final score of 6-1 it seems only fit that the Leafs are out. But they had so much potential! *sigh* I wonder sometimes just how fixed sports leagues are... but you didn't hear me say that! *blush*

.. Lumme passes and... GIVES IT AWAY!

[from casstastrophe.com blog]

 Even only being a Leafs fan for 2yrs .. I admit I'm getting tired of hearing that line up there :) But since tonite, in double overtime, Greene scored and forced Philly into the seventh game... I figured it was only relevant for me to talk about hockey and my experience with it ...

Predictions: Leafs over Flyers.. LEAFS over Sens..
LEAFS over NJ/Tampa.. LEAFS TAKE THE CUP!

Well.. whatever it takes to bring the cup back to CANADIAN rule! But then, I dont watch hockey if its not Leafs Hockey, so my bias is notable! Slowly I've been getting into the rhythm at my house of ppl coming to drink and play darts and WATCH THE GAME! and then the playoffs come along and hockey night gets extended. I cant say I mind -- its been great to meet these people (Kyle's friends) and to learn about hockey and how it works -- now I can follow the game instead of just getting dizzy watching the puck!

so I'll leave it at this:       *** GO! LEAFS! GO! ***

and after a nice sleep, he came back for more!

[from casstastrophe.com blog]

 

 

 

FAWK! Either vi is corrupt, or someone came in and deleted this entry.. I dont get it! I had this nice li'l dity about ghawd and religion and wicca and shizznitch .. and now its GONE! Something screwy is goin' on here! Oh well.. instead of my nice li'l Easter msg .. you get this replacement! BLAH! :( 

The best things in life are free!

[from casstastrophe.com blog]

 

 

 

I cant possibly stress that enough! Ghawd I love my life sometimes.. I've had a really rough weekend so far, I'm glad it's almost over. I was silly enough to do something thats not very good for me (smoke green!) and I had a nasty little schizo-episode.. Kyle was really sweet to me and helped me through it. I think he found out some things he hadn't been aware of .. and we worked through them. I think I'm in a much better head space right now than I have been for several weeks. It's really important to cherish the special parts of life.. and I cherish Kyle... 

 

I think I'm going to do a change of location for the summer, just to kick-start my ass into gear... I'll talk more about that later though.. 

I've really been working on upgrading my music knowledge and my mp3 collection has certainly grown.. I'm going to add a music section to this site very soon! It's the only thing I can really think that's been missing, other than maybe a booklist, but that would take a very long time to compile!