a Letter to myself when I was Younger

Assignment idea: write a letter to yourself as the child you were when you were experiencing the abuse. Things you really needed to hear... lessons learned... boundaries.. "i love you" .. "it's not your fault" .. poem, picture, something supportive.

August 25th, 2009 [evening]

To myself at 13: Your fear is well grounded. You ARE worth more than a dare. Don't give it up so fast.

To myself at 16:  You are young. You feel old because you are as old as you've ever been.  You have your whole life ahead of you. One broken heart doesn't mean you have to shut down. You are beautiful and caring and people see the light that shines from within you and are drawn to it. Adults should know better.

You are not at fault.

Your tears should not have been an invitation for an adult's advances. Rape is rape. Just because you stopped saying no and went dead silent, doesn't mean he didn't take advantage of you. Find your voice. Tell someone! He must be stopped and as much as you hurt, it IS your responsibility to tell on him. It is not your issue to care about HIS wife and HIS kids. You are just a kid, too. He should have thought about it. He should have known better than to steal what wasn't his to  touch in the first place.

You are beautiful. You matter. You are not alone. Someone, one day, will touch you in a way that doesn't make you feel like you HAVE to give in. You will, once again, want to be present when someone who loves you wants to touch you in a caring way. You matter. You MATTER.

Keep your voice. Use your voice. You are strong. No one has the right to quiet you. No one should take advantage of your feelings.  Just because you've been kicked, doesn't mean the dogs can move in. You matter. Tell someone. Tell your mom. Yes, she will hurt for you, but she will hurt WITH you. She can't help you heal if you don't use your voice. Hurt together, not alone. You are not alone.

Signed,
Me.

"I love you not because you do this or that; you are this or that. I love you."