[previously posted on xanga]

[excerpts from a previous journal ... just random thots, I guess]

10:36a EST Apr11/01

Why bother to write, when anything worth saying has already been said a trillion times over since the beginning of the written word?!  Maybe I think the pattern of words I choose to write it in will somehow be JUST right to unlock the truth inside the human soul. Maybe I'll find the rhythm that no one has before and enough people will see the light to bring about a change in the human race.

Maybe... but I doubt it.

Pessimism is not necessarily a good foot to start a work of art on, but it is my only motivator;  Love having been worn thin by the sand-filled winds of time -- not enough recognizable shards of glass left to have even a glimmer of hope at being glued back together again.

To write is to Sin.

I wonder how to take a vow of silence.  Such strength in the ability to stand on your own and not need reassurance from other sinners around you.

Black on white, white on black, ink bleeding into the medium, however you see it, it is not meant to be.

they, whoever they happen to be, say that knowledge is power.  But I say louder that ignorance is freedom, and who wants power when you can be free?  King of the land of slobs or Isle of One; my choice has slipped away into a drug-induced frenzy.

The hardest challenge to conquer is love of self, but its not so far out of reach as one might think.  Its as easy as simply being.  Taking care of oneself and there you have your inner love.  Treat yourself like your very own baby, because each day you are reborn, stored with the memories of all your previous daily encounters.  Each 24hrs you have the ability to start fresh.  Seven days for the seven different faces/masks you wear.  Can you separate them?  Me neither.  Schitzophrenia is something diagnosed by elimination -- if you haven't got any of the other labeled "mental disorders", then you can (yes, CAN, like an opportunity) be skizo.  But aren't we all?

I understand now why most diaries come with locks and only two keys.  One for opening it by the owner and one in safe-keeping in case the first is lost, damaged or stolen.

In the era of the "INTERNET" and the "WORLD WIDE WEB", where you can sign on and read almost any number of on-line diaries and place your own, nothing is private, nothing left sacred to the owner.  Memories are now as valuable as well-used facial tissue - full of holes and clumps of mucus.  Why bother experiencing things on your own when you can just tune into someone else's life and learn from their mistakes?  Television at its best.  MTV had it right with "The Real Life"  because that's what is flashed all over this "WEB".

I've always wanted the world to be together and interconnected and now it is, only there are a mess of personal computers and light years of cable holding everyone apart.  Why bother getting together with a few of your friends for coffee after school, when you've got dozens more waiting at the other end of your keyboard?

In a society where we allow our children to ridicule and often physically beat each other, how can we say there is any love?

The parental unit is removed from the child during the most important growing years, instead of full-time supervision, which a child deserves for a minimum of the first twelve years of growing, they get sloppy-at-best partial supervision inside a system that is more concerned about their own pocket-book rather than the well-being of our races' future.

North-American Western society is a farce.

We flood the streets with garbage that people spend so much of their valuable time "crafting".  A little girl has half a dozen broken Barbie dolls and 2 dozen outfits for them, rather than one well-made, cared for, CHERISHED doll that she has been taught it is her responsibility to take care of.  We all have closets full of clothes we'll probably never wear because in order to keep industry going, fashion changes with the season, new colours, new shapes, new styles, new CRAP.

We flood our children's waking hours with visions on a box that teach nothing worth learning and by the age of 13 they're already popping out kids of their own that they're not going to take more care of than that REPLACEABLE Barbie doll they learned on.

*sigh* and yet, still all I do is write...