When we put socks on in the morning, our feet send a message, via our
nervous system, to our brain to let it know that it feels the cloth on
our skin. But then the brain does an amazing thing -- it forgets about
them! OR rather, it assesses the information, looking for signs of
action (is there pain, heat, etc) sees that there is none, and discards
the information -- in essence, puts a block over it and turns it into a
"white" sensation (like white noise)... otherwise, all day long, our
brain would be listening to the feet saying "I'm wearing socks!... I'm
wearing socks!"
If you've ever had a hole in your sock, you know exactly how this
system can fail ... all day, you are squirming your toes around, trying
to get that hole into a position where your brain will forget about
it... or if you have a pebble or other dirt in your shoe, the same
failure occurs -- you are trying to focus on walking and not bumping
into people, but your darn foot keeps telling your brain "there's
something wrong here!"
... this is what my daughter goes through every time she simply puts on her socks.
She does not have an "official diagnosis" yet, but from the vast
amount of reading I have done, and from knowing her as well as I do (I'm
a single mom, with an only child... we have spent a LOT of time
together!) I am more than certain she has a condition called SPD
(sensory processing disorder).
She puts on her socks and if they are not the right kind, in the
right place, and arranged exactly so on her feet, ankles and legs ...
she can have a melt-down. And next comes the shoes.... they complicate
matters again. We often buy shoes 1 to 2 sizes too big, in order to
avoid constant battles.
Because believe me -- they were CONSTANT until I learned about this
condition. Knowledge is power. I have been able to work with her and
come up with plans of action that help lessen the conflict, and actually
let us get to school on time in the morning. Some mornings, anyhow --
and some is better than none... we're taking steps in the right
direction!
My daughter is 8 and she is aware of how this condition has caused
problems for her. In fact, this summer she developed a process to avoid
the daily fight about shirts -- she recognized that putting a shirt on
made her feel too warm and icky (even though we have central air, and it
was often colder in the apartment than I liked!) ... so she decided,
after many days of grabbing an ice pack from the freezer to cool herself
down, she would simply wrap her t-shirt around the ice pack and put it
back into the freezer, while she did the rest of her morning routine...
and then let her shirt be the last thing she put on before we left the
house. This has been a life-saving solution for us! We've avoided many
shouting matches and meltdowns (because believe me, some mornings, SHE
is not the only one having a meltdown!!)
Once, she was having a rough time getting her socks (which were the
RIGHT kind) and her shoes (which were her favourite ones, that she KNOWS
she likes) into the correct spot... after many frustrating
on-again-off-again attempts, she put them on, jumped up and opened the
front door, saying "C'mon mommy, lets just GO, 'cause once I'm out of
the house I wont be able to change them AGAIN!" She is very apt and
very smart and no matter how much she wants this stuff to be a part of
her younger self's past, it simply is out of her control.
When explaining these scenarios to an adult friend, who is an
educated ECE worker, the friend of mine said "But she realizes she is
the one being unreasonable, right?" .... and my heart broke. My
daughter is not being unreasonable... she has a diagnosable condition
that, while has potential to get better with some therapeutic help, has
nothing at all to do with REASON. It is about the way her brain
processes the information and either turns it into that "white"
sensation or not. In her case, it takes MUCH longer to happen. I said
to the friend "If a person is in a wheelchair, cannot stand, and there
is something on a high shelf out of their reach, if they do not get it,
are they being unreasonable?? No, of course not -- it is not something
they can do. It is outside of their ability. It has nothing to do with
reason."
We have had days where I literally force her into a pair of tights,
open the door and deposit her and her shoes and coat and school bag into
the hallway, she full of tears, me full of anger born of
frustration.... and spent the rest of the day full of guilt for sending
her off to school after a morning like that... only to have this smiling
girl come home, hug me, apologize for her attitude in the morning, and
ask if we can please buy more pairs of tights like these because she
simply loves them... !!!! there are no words for how I feel at that
moment. It doesn't make any sense. We simply go with what we know. We
buy the clothes that work for her (tights, but not yoga-pants because
there is too much at the waist ... no jeans or other pants with buttons,
again, too much bulk at the waist .... socks with no strings inside --
so no designs.... of a certain height, but not tubes, must have specific
heels ..... shoes too big ... t-shirts must have ALL tags cut out ..
long-sleeves are totally hit and miss .... etc etc etc) And if
something doesn't work, it goes out right away.
As things in our life settle into a good routine, I have every
intention of taking her to get an official diagnosis and have someone
talk with her about how to better control her frustrations and anxieties
around these issues... but for now, the information I have about SPD
has allowed me to have much more patience with my little girl and has
allowed us both to avoid fighting the inevitable....
(and yes, she exhibits other signs of SPD... just not writing about them here right now!!)
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