Monday, November 12, 2012

Reason's got nothing to do with it!

When we put socks on in the morning, our feet send a message, via our nervous system, to our brain to let it know that it feels the cloth on our skin. But then the brain does an amazing thing -- it forgets about them! OR rather, it assesses the information, looking for signs of action (is there pain, heat, etc) sees that there is none, and discards the information -- in essence, puts a block over it and turns it into a "white" sensation (like white noise)... otherwise, all day long, our brain would be listening to the feet saying "I'm wearing socks!... I'm wearing socks!"

If you've ever had a hole in your sock, you know exactly how this system can fail ... all day, you are squirming your toes around, trying to get that hole into a position where your brain will forget about it... or if you have a pebble or other dirt in your shoe, the same failure occurs -- you are trying to focus on walking and not bumping into people, but your darn foot keeps telling your brain "there's something wrong here!"

... this is what my daughter goes through every time she simply puts on her socks.

She does not have an "official diagnosis" yet, but from the vast amount of reading I have done, and from knowing her as well as I do (I'm a single mom, with an only child... we have spent a LOT of time together!)  I am more than certain she has a condition called SPD (sensory processing disorder).

She puts on her socks and if they are not the right kind, in the right place, and arranged exactly so on her feet, ankles and legs ... she can have a melt-down.  And next comes the shoes.... they complicate matters again.  We often buy shoes 1 to 2 sizes too big, in order to avoid constant battles.

Because believe me -- they were CONSTANT until I learned about this condition.  Knowledge is power. I have been able to work with her and come up with plans of action that help lessen the conflict, and actually let us get to school on time in the morning. Some mornings, anyhow -- and some is better than none... we're taking steps in the right direction!

My daughter is 8 and she is aware of how this condition has caused problems for her. In fact, this summer she developed a process to avoid the daily fight about shirts -- she recognized that putting a shirt on made her feel too warm and icky (even though we have central air, and it was often colder in the apartment than I liked!) ... so she decided, after many days of grabbing an ice pack from the freezer to cool herself down, she would simply wrap her t-shirt around the ice pack and put it back into the freezer, while she did the rest of her morning routine... and then let her shirt be the last thing she put on before we left the house.  This has been a life-saving solution for us! We've avoided many shouting matches and meltdowns (because believe me, some mornings, SHE is not the only one having a meltdown!!)

Once, she was having a rough time getting her socks (which were the RIGHT kind) and her shoes (which were her favourite ones, that she KNOWS she likes) into the correct spot... after many frustrating on-again-off-again attempts, she put them on, jumped up and opened the front door, saying "C'mon mommy, lets just GO, 'cause once I'm out of the house I wont be able to change them AGAIN!"   She is very apt and very smart and no matter how much she wants this stuff to be a part of her younger self's past, it simply is out of her control.

When explaining these scenarios to an adult friend, who is an educated ECE worker, the friend of mine said "But she realizes she is the one being unreasonable, right?" .... and my heart broke.  My daughter is not being unreasonable... she has a diagnosable condition that, while has potential to get better with some therapeutic help, has nothing at all to do with REASON.  It is about the way her brain processes the information and either turns it into that "white" sensation or not.  In her case, it takes MUCH longer to happen.  I said to the friend "If a person is in a wheelchair, cannot stand, and there is something on a high shelf out of their reach, if they do not get it, are they being unreasonable?? No, of course not -- it is not something they can do. It is outside of their ability. It has nothing to do with reason."

We have had days where I literally force her into a pair of tights, open the door and deposit her and her shoes and coat and school bag into the hallway, she full of tears, me full of anger born of frustration.... and spent the rest of the day full of guilt for sending her off to school after a morning like that... only to have this smiling girl come home, hug me, apologize for her attitude in the morning, and ask if we can please buy more pairs of tights like these because she simply loves them... !!!! there are no words for how I feel at that moment. It doesn't make any sense.  We simply go with what we know.  We buy the clothes that work for her (tights, but not yoga-pants because there is too much at the waist ... no jeans or other pants with buttons, again, too much bulk at the waist .... socks with no strings inside -- so no designs.... of a certain height, but not tubes, must have specific heels ..... shoes too big ... t-shirts must have ALL tags cut out .. long-sleeves are totally hit and miss .... etc etc etc)  And if something doesn't work, it goes out right away.

As things in our life settle into a good routine, I have every intention of taking her to get an official diagnosis and have someone talk with her about how to better control her frustrations and anxieties around these issues... but for now, the information I have about SPD has allowed me to have much more patience with my little girl and has allowed us both to avoid fighting the inevitable....

(and yes, she exhibits other signs of SPD... just not writing about them here right now!!)

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