I’m going to diverge from the path a little here, and talk more in
generalities, rather than simply about domestic violence — sorry in
advance if I get a little long-winded. When things are going really
good or really bad, we often forget to do a realistic check-in, to
assess where things are at in our world. The over-imposing issue, the
really great thing(s) or really terrible problem(s) seem to be
all-consuming — it’s all we can focus on.
But if we were to pause and take stock we may find a more even
balance from which to take the next step, without “going off
half-cocked”. From the way I see it, there are four aspects of our life
to look at:
Personal
This includes our relationships with family and friends, how do we
connect with them; are they supportive or do they tax our strength?
Here we can look at our emotional/mental self, how are we handling the
stressors in our life, have we sought supports to help with this, do we
take time to journal or meditate… are we feeling our real emotions or
are we practicing the negative coping mechanism of “stuffing” or
“disassociating”?
Next is our physical self, are we eating properly, getting enough sleep,
getting some exercise into our routine… I check to see if I am carrying
stress in a particular spot, like the muscles in my shoulders — maybe
it is time to get a massage or do some reiki (both options available
through the Wellness program at Good Shepherd).
Professional
Again this includes relationships, such as with co-workers or a
therapist, are we able to interact on an appropriate level with these
individuals, are we avoiding them or do we see the benefit of these
relationships?
Perhaps in your situation you are seeking to further your education or
you are currently working a job/occupation or you are not working at all
right now, whatever the case may be, here is where we can take a moment
to assess how that is working out for us. I have been working two jobs
and doing 1 in Four on the side, and recently took stock of my energy
levels and realized that one of the jobs I was doing was depleting me
entirely — it was a caustic environment and I came home feeling
emotionally drained from the interactions I had during the day; I
recognized that I felt no joy in the work I did especially in light of
how passionate I am about being a part of building 1 in Four. I am in a
position where I could speak to my boss and stratagize an exit plan
that works best for the company as well as myself. I feel like a weight
has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel like I can face tomorrow,
rather than want to crawl back under the covers and hide from the
world. The important part of a self check-in is to know that there are
always options.
Physical
This part is about things like your housing, transportation, and even
your physical location. Sometimes being on a fixed budget might make it
seem like what you have is what you are stuck with, but with a little
planning and research, this isn’t always the case.
Carpooling with co-workers some of the days of the week can help ease up
on gas costs, vehicle wear-and-tear, and the stress of rush-hour
driving… if you bus, you might be able to offer the same money to a
friend to pick you up in the morning, if they are already going in the
same direction… and maybe getting some bicycling or walking into your
routine could help release some endorphins to give you that boost you
need to your mood.
Moving isn’t always an easy or fun thing to do, but if your housing
isn’t working for you, it is certainly an option and there are
Transitional Support Workers through many of the agencies listed on our
resources tab that can help you do a Pro’s and Con’s list, to see if
this might be the right choice — if you aren’t happy or if it isn’t the
right fit, why stay? I remember when my daughter was 2, I was living on
the third floor of a walk-up and was developing bad knees. I was
carrying too much of my own weight, plus often my daughter and groceries
and any number of other items up and down those stairs. I spoke to my
doctor, who sent me for X-rays and highly advised me to change my living
situation to a main-floor apartment, or I would need new knees before I
was 40. I’m in an apartment with an elevator now, and that makes a
huge difference to the rest of the stress in my life, knowing I wont
have to lug things up and down those three flights.
Philosophical
Rather than tack this into the ‘personal’ category, I feel it is
important enough for its own spot. How our spiritual or religious
well-being is at any given moment can be a make-it or break-it situation
for just about anyone. You don’t have to be religious to feel spiritual
about life. Sometimes we are aware that we aren’t living up to our true
potential, we aren’t finding pleasure in anything we do, and we just
don’t know what exactly isn’t working — this is a spiritual
misalignment. Other times things are working out great! We feel on top
of the world, as though everything we put our hand to seems to turn out
golden — this is when we are fully in alignment! Checking in with how
we see ourselves in our own world, how our path is going, is very
important to know what next step to take. If we feel scattered and
unsure of ourselves, then maybe we know it’s not a good time to make a
big, life-changing decision. Maybe it’s better to wait until things are
calmed down. This isn’t always the case for everyone, sometimes people
flourish better within chaos and find it easier to make big decisions
when everything else is already in flux — you know yourself best, but
unless you check-in, you wont know at all!
A realistic review of the above aspects of our lives can help us see
that maybe things aren’t as impossible as we originally thought, or
maybe it is time for a change.
Remember, I’m not a therapist or a doctor or a life-coach. I am
sharing these thoughts with you as a survivor reaching out to those in
need. If you feel that you are ready to seek out specific support, there
are amazing services available here in Hamilton (and if you are not
local, I am sure there are some available in your community as well)…
all you have to do is make that phone-call and they will walk you
through the steps. If you feel you need help to manage any part of what
is going on in your life, just know that you are worth it and you have
the right to reach out and ask for it.
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