1in4: A morning of rejuvenation

I don’t usually write the blogs for 1 in Four, but today I felt the need to chime in with my own voice, my own experiences.  I’ve been having a very rough week; a number of rough weeks to be honest.  I have a TSW (Transitional Support Worker) through Good Shepherd Women’s Services, and one of the recent meetings had my TSW suggesting I access another avenue of their services, in the form of a VAW (Violence Against Women) Counsellor.  I agreed I needed more support than her position allowed her, and she sent off the request.  I have now met twice with this additional support worker and one of those was just today.

I ended up spending the entire morning at Good Shepherd Women’s Services. I’m not sure if it is an internal name, or from a previous incarnation, but through the many groups I have attended, and the many women I have interacted with, we tend to call this location “Outreach” — and a more appropriate name I could not think of!

I had a 9:30am scheduled talk-therapy session with my worker at the site, but after driving my daughter to school and getting gas, I arrived to the building a little early.  The wonderful staff who greeted me at their secure facility, helped me to fax some papers I needed to send to ODSP and then I went off to the Wellness Room to make myself a cup of tea and wait for my appointment.  One of the great features of this building is that it is ‘accessible’ — in the sense that, because of my knee pain, we were able to descend to the comfortable meeting space via elevator, rather than struggle with a flight of stairs.

I spent a fulfilling (albeit, very intense) hour with my amazing counsellor, departing with a To-Do List in hand.  As we were walking back to the front doors, I asked if I could book some other appointments with the Wellness Coordinator, so she walked me back there and took her leave.  As I sat down in this new office, the phone was ringing, and to my delight, the Wellness Coordinator said it was a client calling to cancel a reiki appointment for right then! I was asked if I’d like to fill the spot and believe me, I would like nothing more!!!  Suddenly a tense morning turned into a relaxing hour long reiki session!  I left a request to book the other appointments I wanted (foot care with Sister Rita and a manicure with another volunteer.)

As far as my understanding goes, all of these amazing services — Massage, Reiki, Manicures, Yoga, Zumba … they are all facilitated by exceptionally talented and qualified practitioners who are volunteering their time to come in and give back to women in the community.

If you are a woman in Hamilton, then these services are available to you — all you need to do is call in and book an appointment, or check out the Calendar for upcoming drop-in times.

Good Shepherd is by no means the end of the line — it just so happens to be an agency I live close to and am connected with.  There are many agencies in Hamilton that offer wonderful services to women and children, of all nationalities — many of them offered free of charge or for a very nominal sliding-scale fee and many of these groups and services also have the option to request an interpreter.

Please check out both our Community Resources and Calendar and see what is available for you!
I look forward to hearing about your experiences with any of the Hamilton agencies, either in the 1 in Four Forum or if you would like to contact us about writing a Guest Blog.

a torn journal entry

I miss kissing.  Plain & simple.  I miss the act.  I wish I could go get drunk at some party and just make out with a guy, without any expectation of it going anywhere... I just want to kiss and grope and then go home (unsatisfied? no -- I would be satisfied! It has been SO long since I last kissed, REALLY made-out w/ someone.)

I wonder what Gavin is up to?

1in4: Use your voice!

We hear the slogan “Break the silence; End the violence” in relation to Domestic Violence so very often, but what does this really mean?  How can being vocal bring about the end of violence?

For me, this means two things:

Firstly is on a micro scale, when one person experiencing Domestic Violence speaks out, seeking help, it can bring about the end of violence in that one particular incident — one person saved by finding a voice and saying “This isn’t right; I deserve to be treated better, not because I am better than anyone else, but by the simple fact that I am human and what is being done to me is not acceptable.”  There are supports in place to help that one person, if they only ask for it.

The second way is on a macro level, the big picture — the more people who are leaving potentially or actually violent situations, and using their voice to speak out about what happened to them (women like Jennifer Corsini or any other women who have openly stated that violence is not okay!) the more public awareness there is about what Domestic Violence looks like and the more chance for policy changes, both at the Government level (laws, sentencing guidelines, etc) as well as what I consider ‘the street’ level (Police procedures, funding for Shelters and counseling, etc).

1 in Four: the domestic violence project also represents a dichotomy in action — we see ourselves as the bridge between services available to survivors, by providing a consolidated monthly calendar of the events happening in the city at the various agencies associated with supporting survivors, as well as links to the agencies and a blog following our own stories and thoughts on the subject…. but we also see this website as a platform for change — we want to hear your voices, your stories, your experiences… we want to know what has worked for you and what hasn’t … are there things in the groups, shelters, police interaction, legal system, etc that could be changed to help better facilitate those going through the difficult experience of Domestic Violence?  We want to give you a place to discuss these thoughts with fellow survivors, but also a place where we can invite members of the public sector, like politicians and lawyers and police officers, nurses, educators and social workers and therapists…  If there is one portion of the population that is an expert on the many different faces of Domestic Violence, it is the survivors themselves. The wealth of knowledge we have to share, to help bring about change, is one of our greatest assets.  Without using our voices, without expressing out thoughts, concerns and pleas for change, there simply is no chance.

I know Cathy does a wonderful job writing these blogs with a balance of stories from her own experience, along with sharing options for women… she isn’t pushy and she has miraculously found a way to discuss Domestic Violence without being overtly morose. Today, however, I am really inviting you to check out the 1 in Four FORUM section. I am inviting you to create an account and to use your voice. Let us know about your experiences; let this be a platform where you can share your complaints or your praise for the system that helped you to leave; share your fears about why you haven’t left; ask questions about where and how you can get your needs met…

The word ‘forum’ comes from ancient Rome, a place of assembly; it is seen as a place for public discussion.  1 in Four is just about to reach 6 months of being a web presence. I would love to see this date marked with some active discussion in the forum between all of the brave women willing to Break the Silence and End the Violence.

a torn journal entry

(written in blue pencil crayon)

Crushing on a boy I hardly know and I've never met -- who is too young for me and smokes pot. All the factors are wrong but other than the CYO counsellor from SAGE camp, this is the first crush I've had in a long while. It feels kind of silly, but nice at the same time. I wanted to write about it, but couldn't even make myself do it in pen -- talk about silly! Phillip <3's rats & lizards & snakes ... & has an awesome beard :) More silly ideas -- as if those are even reasons to crush!!  Although I find myself wondering what his voice sounds like.

So much work to do w/ 1inFour. No time for a man in my life anyhow. I guess it's just a nice place for idle thoughts to flow!

a torn journal entry

Admitting I don't know anything is at once both freeing and terrifying. But what do I really know? My concepts are basic at the very least. I have never formally looked into any one topic to such depth that I feel I am knowledgeable on it, where I could be asked to teach it to another. I DO things without even the smallest grasp on what it is I am DOING (reiki) - who is to say when I have odd thoughts like yesterday, 3 garbage bags down dumpster, really my only 3 friends in 'the real world' and I was willingly tossing them away -- who is to say that is psychosis and not this, now, pretending that my ink stains upon this thin wood-mulch could ever possibly communicate something to anyone - even an older/wiser me?....

written in the border/indent:
Pet Shop Boys: Admitting, you don't believe, in any one's sincerity...
Madonna: Promise to try (loss of innocence) 

a torn journal entry

What do you do when nothing you're doing seems right? Like somehow you are going through the motions and they're all the correct ones for the acts being carried out, but somehow none of them are producing the immediately desired results? Am I just being too impatient -- good things come to those who work hard and build them -- fast things come fast and are gone just as fast...?!

I have had dreams and plans and hopes and desires all my life. this is one of the only times I have felt in control and that I WANT this to work out. I really, actually want to see it through, see the longevity of this project. I AM giving it my all because I want it to give me and Kyla a future.

Is that too much to ask? ...

I want to say no, truth is, I don't know? oi!

a torn journal entry

How do I begin to journal again after such a very long pause? ... After such criticism on my recording choices by Clifford? ... After such self doubt?!

I've always wanted to write my book. I've never gotten very far... Am I still young at 32? Is there still hope for all my endeavors?

1inFour.ca has potential, really real potential... will it carry me into the life I am meant to lead... or is it pulling me on a path I can't possibly agree with? I have excitement and also fear. I suppose a balance is healthy, but I want so very much more from this life. Is that so very wrong?

I AM LONELY! (I miss Matt lately, but he never hears me calling... or at least never responds.)