Journal entry #9

okay, okay .. so .. I was really harsh in my last entry .. I can tend to be a total bitch when I dont get my own way ... blah .. I'm lucky he still loves me thru all my ups and downs ..

I've been having a lot of craziness go on for me in the past while ... I dont know what to say about it .. but its certainly been a long strange trip of ours...

6 weeks

[from casstastrophe.com blog]

 

 

I've been talking with a counselor of mine, and she's suggested something that would certainly add some spice to my mundane life. There is a six week Trauma program at Homewood in Guelph and she thinks I would learn a great deal from it. I know that I've suffered a lot over my past and haven't really taken the time to deal with those events and I could see where I would benefit from a program such as that... however there are drawbacks! While I would be able to come back here on weekends, it does make for a very long time away from home .. from my boy-toy and my cat .. from the things I am used to. I was in at Homewood two years ago when I first came home from California -- it wasn't a horrible experience, as psych wards go .. the food was great, the staff was friendly and Homewood itself sits on beautiful grounds, plenty of walking space and close vicinity to the town. I could also get back in touch with some of the outfits I do volunteer work for, since they base themselves out of Guelph .... so many ups and downs, good and bad reasons .... I'll certainly have to do some thinking! 

Journal entry #8

Well .. my bf is officially a cunt .. grr.. he hates that word so he'd hate if I called him that .. but fck!

Since we got together, we've talked about going to a schnazzy concert together .. and he's talked about how he'd love to goto another Metallica concert .. well .. now they're coming back to town for the summer and I ASSUMED I'd be going with him .. but no ..they're getting a bus and its an all guys nite out ... FUCK THAT ... I mean TOTALLY FUCK THAT .. what a mother fckn dick .. I hope he enjoys his fckn concert without me .. fck :/

Journal entry #7

okay, so its morning.. and I shudnt be awake, but I am.. oh joyous of occasions it must be ... actually, its just another boring Saturday morning with nothing to do but sit in front of the computer alone while everyone else sleep ... yippi skip.. I'm a lucky frog ... blah

lately I haven't been doing much of anything, so why bother to write .. its just one of those lives ....

if anyone cares, and I'm sure they don't, I started this schnazzy diet in Nov of last year and I'm doin' really well on it.. so like, drop me a line and congrat me or sumfin .. cuz like, I could really use the encouragement ......... *sigh*

maybe more some other lifetime.. maybe not .. we'll see.. happy trailz!

Bitter Cold

[from casstastrophe.com blog]

Well.. I finally did it .. I fell! OUCH! I slipped on some ice at the front of my apartment building and fell down the 4 or 5 steps to the front door. Of course I was carrying groceries and coffee and my purse and EVERYTHING went flying! To my pride though, I didn't spill the coffees! But it hurt so bad, that I couldn't even get to my own two feet and I had to use the cell to call my bf and have him come help me up! I felt SOO silly! The leg has some minor surface wounds, but appears to have swollen up nicely -- at least I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday, he'll know what to do!!!

Thats all for now. See you on the other side.

Journal entry #6

Well, it certainly has been AGES since I last updated this page. It's been a crazy run of things since July.. what with trying to get accepted for ODSP and finally getting to the right meeting with the right person to fill out the right paperwork and being accepted as of April!! so now I've got financial things sorted out, it's just my HEAD I need to work around!

I'm taking a trip in December to go visit my daddy in Kansas and I'm really looking forward to it, I'm super excited! I wish someone were coming with me, so I don't have to be alone on the airplane (I'm still a little afraid of flying after the Cali incident) but other than that, I think I WANT to go alone, so that I can spend some real quality time with my daddy!

whoops! people are back now and I hate being on the computer when there are lotsa ppl here.. so I'm gunna go ......... MAYBE I'll remember to update this page more often now :)

Flat

She looked out or rather, she saw.  For how could she look out if all was flat.  How long had she believed this? Fifteen minutes, fifteen years, fifteen million years... she didn't know.  Did she even believe in flatness?  Or, and this'll really get you, did she believe in anything at all?

*Brain Freeze*

Fifteen minutes later (or was it 7?) and back on the track.

All she could see was on a flat dimensional screen before her.  Her arms, her body, the bodies of those around her, the wall, the device upon which she now recorded her thoughts with what appeared to be fingers in this massive swirl of colour and misconceptions.  Depth. What was depth.  Intricate three-dimensional programming inside her master algorithm.  Merely a set of numbers patterned to be this Being.  She "looked out" a pair of eyes she had been pre-programmed to believe in upon initialization (birth).

*Brain Freeze*

Fifteen minutes later (or was it years?) and back on track.

How could she possibly explain this to others.  What was the point of explaining it to others if there were none other than her?  Maybe an inner need to sort it out and explain it to herself.  Was she playing a game?  Errrghhhhh..

*Brain Lock* ...... thought process paused.